Taming the Inner Critic: A Leadership Essential for High Performers

If you’ve ever had thoughts like:

• “Why can’t I get this right?”

• “I should be doing more.”

• “I’ll never be good enough.”

You’ve met the inner critic. And you’re not alone.

As a coach, I see this voice show up in leaders at all levels—especially those with high expectations of themselves. The inner critic is often formed early in life, shaped by experiences where excellence was rewarded but rarely praised, and where imperfection was treated as a problem rather than a part of growth.

From Aesthetic Athletics to Achievement Anxiety

Many of my clients come from performance-driven backgrounds, what I call “aesthetic athletics”: ballet, figure skating, gymnastics, equestrian sport. In these arenas, success is judged not only by skill but by how closely you meet a subjective ideal. A “perfect” performance is the goal. Correction is constant, and praise is rare.

As a former ballet dancer, I learned early on that being “worth correcting” meant being seen. That constant feedback loop instilled an internal voice that, while sometimes motivating, often defaulted to criticism. I now see how this voice followed me into adulthood—and into leadership.

You don’t need to be a dancer to relate. If your drive for excellence has ever made you feel like nothing you do is quite enough, your inner critic may be steering the wheel.

The Inner Critic at Work

Your inner critic might sound like:

• “I should already know this.”

• “What’s wrong with me?”

• “I’m not as good as [insert name].”

• "There are so many people who are better than me at this, why should I bother?"

At its best, this voice can serve a protective role: it helps us double-check our work, keep our egos in check, or stay humble. But when unchecked, it can lead to shame, burnout, and disconnection from purpose.

And here’s the paradox: many people with loud inner critics are the ones who are most kind to others. They extend empathy outward while withholding it from themselves.

When the Inner Critic Goes Too Far

When the inner critic runs the show, it can keep us stuck:

• Procrastinating on decisions

• Avoiding visibility or stretch opportunities

• Overworking to outrun self-doubt or boredom

• Numbing with over-busyness or distractions (e.g. repeatedly checking your smartphone, or watching excessive TV)

In the extreme, however, the inner critic can be harmful. Thoughts influence how you feel and behave. If critical thoughts cause fear, guilt or shame. That can lead to feeling anxious, paralyzed, withdrawn, burnt-out or alone.

If you’re constantly “doing,” but rarely feel satisfied, it may be time to shift the inner narrative.

Navigating the Inner Critic with the Five Intelligences™

Taming the inner critic isn’t about silencing it. It’s about understanding it—and choosing a different path. This is where the Five Intelligences™ can help:

• Self Intelligence: helps you recognize the critic’s voice and your underlying fears.

• Relational Intelligence: allows you to see how your inner voice shapes how you lead and connect with others.

• Communication Intelligence: supports reframing internal messages with kindness and clarity.

• Execution Intelligence: enables you to act in alignment with your values, not your fears.

• Neuro Intelligence: recognizes that how we talk to ourselves impacts our brain and nervous system to help you stay grounded, calm, and confident.

5 Steps to Work With Your Inner Critic

• Awareness

  Notice when the inner critic is speaking. Label the thoughts, but don’t judge them.

• Acknowledge Don’t fight it—get curious. What does your inner critic fear? What’s it trying to protect?

• Address Dig deeper: “What am I afraid would happen if I failed? And what would that mean?”

• Ask How would you speak to a friend or child in the same situation? Offer yourself the same grace.

• Act Choose growth. If your critic offers a valid point, turn it into fuel—not shame. Learn and move forward.

  
  

The Perfectionist’s Path: From Pressure to Progress

Like many leaders, I’ve struggled with perfectionism—striving to do everything “right,” always reaching for the next goal, rarely allowing myself to rest. I’ve accomplished a lot through that drive—but I’ve also burned out, overextended, and missed chances to be fully present.

Here’s what I know now: perfectionism isn’t inherently bad. But when it becomes a default mode, it narrows our range, erodes our well-being, and limits the very impact we’re trying to make.

Perfectionism Reimagined: Try This

If you’re a high-achieving perfectionist (or “recovering” like me), these practices may help:

1. Celebrate the Good List how your perfectionism has served you and others. Acknowledge the gifts.

2. Watch Without Judging Notice your perfectionist patterns. When do they arise? What’s the impact?

3. Practice Being Human Allow mistakes. Treat them as learning, not failure. Progress over perfection.

4. Rewire Rewards Praise persistence, effort, and courage—not just results.

5. Play with Flow Spend time doing something without a “right” way—art, music, yoga, nature, rest.

Final Thought: You Are Not Your Inner Critic

You are not lazy, inadequate, or failing. You are learning to lead with greater intention and compassion. You are choosing to grow from the inside out.

You have the right to high standards—and the right to be kind to yourself along the way.

Ready to Explore More?

This post is part of a growing series on Leading from the Inside Out.

Follow along to discover practices and insights to help you:

• Expand your leadership range

• Release perfectionist patterns

• Lead with presence and purpose

Want support on your journey? I’d love to walk with you. Contact me here.