Beyond Either/Or: A Leader’s Guide to Navigating Polarities

“The opposite of a profound truth is also true.” — Niels Bohr

Have you ever felt torn between competing values—like being decisive or inclusive, staying steady or innovating boldly? You’re not alone. These tensions are omnipresent in leadership. 

In coaching, we call these pairs of interdependent opposites that we all navigate polarities and view them not as problems to be solved, but as tensions that —with and skill— can be leveraged towards our success and fulfillment.

What Are Polarities?

Polarities are different from either/or decisions. They’re not about choosing one path and abandoning the other. They’re about honoring both ends of a spectrum that are interdependent and complementary.

Think:

• Control and empowerment

• Stability and innovation

• Listening and taking action

  
  

In my Gestalt coaching training, polarities were a foundational concept. The Oxford Dictionary defines polarity as “the state of having two opposite or contradictory tendencies, opinions, or aspects.” In coaching, we take it further: we recognize that the poles need each other to be fully understood and used well.

Why It Matters for Leaders

Polarities show up constantly in leadership, often disguised as:

• Internal conflict (e.g., “I want to slow down, but I also need to stay productive.”)

• Interpersonal friction (e.g., “My colleague wants consensus, but I need to move fast.”)

• Organizational misalignment (e.g., “We’re mission-driven, but we also need to meet financial targets.”)

  
  

When we over-identify with one end of a polarity—say, perfectionism, stoicism, or independence—we often suppress its complement: vulnerability, emotional expression, or collaboration. But over time, overusing one pole creates imbalance, fatigue, and reduced effectiveness.

The Basketball Metaphor

In my training, we used a simple analogy: Basketball players need to develop their non-dominant hand. If you always dribble with your right, you limit your options on the court.

The same is true in leadership.

To respond with agility, we must strengthen underused capacities. We must stretch beyond our “dominant hand” and develop our non-preferred pole—whether that’s being more assertive, more flexible, or more open to risk.

Polarities and the Five Intelligences™

An important thing to know about polarities is that typically one end of the pole encompasses the qualities or behaviors we have learned to use in order to survive or succeed in our environment. They are our superpowers. Often, we choose our profession based on these superpowers and these strengths become default modes—often unconscious and overused. When we over-rely on them, we risk under-developing the equally vital capacities on the other end of the pole.”

Many of us believe that one polarity is better (good) and the other is worse (bad) and therefore don’t develop or express what we view as the “bad” characteristic. In thinking and acting is this way, we limit the range of options and our choices.  

My Five Intelligences™ model is designed to help leaders navigate polarities with intention:

• Self-Intelligence helps you recognize your default pole and your developmental edge.

• Relational-Intelligence helps you understand where others are operating on the spectrum.

• Communication-Intelligence supports dialogue between seemingly opposing needs.

• Execution-Intelligence turns insight into aligned, integrated action.

• Neuro-Intelligence ensures you’re regulating your nervous system so you can access full-spectrum thinking.

When you build these intelligences, you expand your range—and with range comes wisdom, resilience, and greater leadership impact.

Tools: How to Work With Polarities

Here’s a simple practice to get started:

Reflective Questions

1. What’s a recurring tension I face at work or at home?

2. Which end of that polarity do I default to?

3. How does being or acting in this way benefit me?

4. What’s the potential wisdom in the opposite pole? How could being or acting in that way benefit me or others?

5. What small experiment could I try to engage that other end?

Download this free “Polarity Map Worksheet” that includes:

• Definitions

• Example poles

• Reflective prompts

• A space for identifying your current challenge

Final Thought

Growth doesn’t come from picking the “right” answer. It comes from expanding our awareness, embracing both/and thinking, and developing the range to lead from wholeness.

When we stop fighting the tension—and start learning from it—we become more centered, more effective, and more human.