Perfectionism: A Leadership Strength with a Hidden Cost

I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember.

As a child, I found joy in organizing, tidying, and doing things just-so—not because someone told me to, but because it made me feel grounded, in control, and accomplished. Whether it was ballet, school, relationships, or my professional work, I always wanted to be the best version of myself. Doing something halfway felt like an itch I couldn’t ignore until I made it “right.”

My perfectionism has never been driven by external pressure. It comes from within—fueled by an internal compass that strives for excellence and a zest for life that makes me want to do and experience as much as I possibly can.

And while that drive has taken me far, it hasn’t always served me.

The Double-Edged Sword of Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t all bad. In fact, healthy perfectionism can be a powerful asset in leadership:

• It sets high standards and a strong work ethic.

• It motivates us to persist in the face of challenge.

• It can elevate teams and inspire others through example.
  

Many of my proudest accomplishments have been fueled by this inner drive: dancing with the Boston Ballet as a teen, being the first in my family to graduate college, advancing through leadership roles, and building a meaningful career as an executive and leadership coach.

But perfectionism has a shadow side.

When perfection becomes a requirement rather than a value, it can turn into self-judgment, over-functioning, and chronic dissatisfaction. I’ve seen it—and lived it—too many times:

• Staying up too late “just tweaking” one more thing

• Saying yes too often and burning the candle at both ends

• Holding myself (and others) to unrealistic standards

• Staying in roles that no longer lit me up because I didn’t want to “quit”

Sound familiar?

Perfectionism can be especially unhealthy when goals are set so high that they are impossible. It can take the form of procrastination, self-judgement, self-criticism, and dissatisfaction. Other signs of perfectionism include feeling like you “must” or “should” do something, moodiness, and magnifying failures while minimizing successes. Negative perfectionism can also take the form of criticizing and judging others.  

Perfectionism Through the Lens of the Five Intelligences™

Perfectionism can narrow your leadership range. It can disconnect you from what really matters. That’s where the Five Intelligences™ can help:

• Self Intelligence: helps you notice when your inner critic or drive for flawlessness is guiding your choices or keeping you stuck.

• Relational Intelligence: helps you recognize how your standards may impact others—and build more compassionate relationships.

• Communication Intelligence: helps you ask for support, share vulnerability, and lead from transparency.

• Execution Intelligence: helps you focus on impact over output, and let go of tasks that don’t serve your highest priorities.

• Neuro Intelligence: helps you regulate stress, recognize burnout patterns, and give yourself and others permission to pause.
  

Perfectionism isn’t something to eradicate. It’s something to understand—and recalibrate.

A Self-Coaching Practice: Reimagining Perfectionism

If you consider yourself a high-achiever (or a “recovering perfectionist”), here are five self-coaching practices that can help you shift from pressure to progress:

1. Celebrate What’s Good Make a list of how your perfectionism has helped you and others. Appreciate your drive—and honor it as one part of you.

2. Observe with Curiosity Notice when your perfectionism shows up. When does it help? When does it hold you back? Awareness gives you choice.

3. Embrace Mistakes as Growth Shift your mindset from performance to practice and progress. Allow space for imperfection as a normal, even essential, part of learning.

4. Reward Progress, Not Just Results Acknowledge your own effort—and others’—even when the outcome isn’t flawless. Celebrate courage, consistency, and risk-taking.

5. Find Flow Engage in activities where there’s no “perfect”: journaling, hiking, meditating. Let yourself be, not just do.

Final Thought: You Get to Choose

Perfectionism is not your enemy. But it’s also not the only voice you need to follow.

There’s a difference between being excellent and being exhausted. Between leading with vision and leading with fear. Between showing up to impress and showing up to connect.

You can still hold high standards. You can still strive. But now, you get to choose when perfection serves you—and when it doesn’t.

That’s what it means to lead from the inside out.

Would you like to explore this further? I offer coaching support to leaders who want to expand their impact and their well-being. Let’s talk.

Follow this blog for more on perfectionism, self-leadership, and the Five Intelligences™