The next step in being the leader others want to follow is focusing less on knowing and more on learning. This is a tough one. Healthcare in general is an authoritative, expert-oriented culture. Many of us believe that we need to show up as experts – especially as healthcare leaders. We have to look smart, solve all the problems, and have all the answers. There’s always more work to be done than resources to do it – especially time. This often causes us as leaders to give a lot of directives and prescribe courses of action. We want to get stuff done – quickly. And while getting stuff done quickly may seem “efficient, letting time be the driving force in how things get done frequently results in less than optimal results.
Giving directives may be exactly what is needed in some situations, but it doesn’t always work. When you’re leading folks who are early in their careers, being too directive can stunt their growth. And when you’re leading other leaders, it can be demoralizing and de-motivating.
It’s a good thing there’s another way of being “smart” that makes you a much more impactful leader. It’s different from being knowledgeable or being a good problem-solver. It’s Emotional Intelligence, known as EQ.
EQ refers to how you manage yourself and your relationships with others. It’s different from intelligence or IQ, which is often so highly valued in healthcare (with reason!). But having strong Emotional Intelligence is a key to high performance and is especially important if you want to be an outstanding leader. No matter what your job is, and no matter what level you are at in an organization. But it’s not just important in organizations – EQ is also critical to how you function in teams, families, and even pairs. The great news is that EQ can be learned and developed just like any other skill.
So, what is Emotional Intelligence exactly? It has to do with how our Self-Awareness, how in-tune we are to ourselves and our impact on others, and our Self-Management, how we consciously choose our actions and behavior. It also influences how in-tune we are to others and how we consciously manage our interactions with them.
Knowing your values, strengths, and skills will help you increase your self-awareness. The self-management part of EQ involves being deliberate about your tone, your body language, the words you choose, and the emotion you display. It’s also about being conscious of the impact you want to have on others.
Increasing your awareness of others part of EQ requires us as healthcare leaders to set aside that “expert” persona – the one who feels like they have to have all the answers and solve all the problems– and focus more on really listening and learning about others.
You do that by practicing active listening. Active listening means giving the other person you full attention, not multi-tasking, not just waiting your turn to talk. Instead, ask questions to understand where the other person is coming from. Find out what’s important to them, what worries them, and what allows them to be at their best. Give them the opportunity to be heard and to share their ideas. This is a way of really understanding what kind of help someone needs or wants before providing your opinions or solutions. It’s also critical to pay attention to the other person’s body language, tone, the words they use, and their emotions. In group settings, be deliberate about making sure everyone gets a chance to express their thoughts. Create “rules of engagement” with your team for how you will relate to one another AND for how you will hold each other accountable for honoring the rules.
From a neuroscience perspective, this is important. First, trying to understand in a non-judgmental way where other people are coming from, and having explicit ground rules for listening and holding one another accountable for upholding the rules, creates trust and a sense of safety with others. And feeling safe activates the feel-good parts of your brain, whereas being challenged or told what to do can activate the fight-flight-or freeze chemicals. Also, solving problems and coming to your own conclusions releases brain chemicals that increase learning and sense of accomplishment.
Practicing how you show up as a leader – being open, curious, and supportive rather than directive and all-knowing – is one of the most challenging skills to develop. And it’s one of the most impactful skills for being an effective, influential, and inspiring leader, the kind of leader others will follow.
“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said,
but they will always remember how you made them feel.” –Maya Angelou
Please share in the comments below how you will apply your EQ in your work or life.
